yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
