I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
