youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
