Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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