You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
