Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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