I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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