You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
As shirtless as possible
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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