i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I will be naked everywhere
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
