You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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