btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
