if i can run in heels then i can drive
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
