I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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