Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
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