yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
