Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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