she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
