do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
