i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Randomize
