doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
