I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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