You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
