Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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