How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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