Can Purell be used as lube?
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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