you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
