I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
