Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
