pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
I'm really busy with my period
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