so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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