I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I'd cum for enchiladas.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
