There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
