You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
