i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
