My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Randomize
