dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
