I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
