yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
