I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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