Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
We left the knife in your bed.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
