just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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