He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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