Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
No stitches, just platelets and will power
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
