No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I supernannyed him into submission
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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