fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
