just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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