I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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