I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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