it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Why is there bacon in the couch?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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