If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
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