the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
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