What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I'm passing your future prison.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
