I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
