I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
