By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
